Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
