Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
