i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
