sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
