i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
