so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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