Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
