It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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