Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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