You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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