We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
