at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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