I smell stomach acid.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
