Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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