Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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