thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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