You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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