eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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