Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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