I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize