is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
