Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
