I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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