i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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