Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
