I'm jealous of your bromance
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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