Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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