just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
