I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
