My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
