How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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