I'm sorry my penis didn't work
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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