get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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