I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Boobs are out for the taking
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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