was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
