i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
