genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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