There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
