oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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