We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
