i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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