1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
