i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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