Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
