Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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