Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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