Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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