I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
