just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
