Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
