im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
