Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
