well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
