You don't have asthma, your pregnant
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
