why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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