I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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