I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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