that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
