found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
