I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Banned from zoo.
Again?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
