Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize