Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
