im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize