READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
