remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
