it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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