this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
