Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
