my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
