Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Non-Jews are for practice
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
