We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
